Withdrawals

Today is easily the day from Hell.

I forgot to take my medication. So I'm probably going to start crying in hysterics the moment I see a leaf fall off of a tree.

I forgot to bring my cigarettes and there was no one around to bum me one. Usually you can rely on the kindness of other smokers when you forget your pack at home, but if they aren't any around you are absolutely screwed.

My boyfriend is ignoring my pleas to take me home early. I really don't think I can spend all day here. I am hungry, emotional and going through withdrawals.

I haven't eaten in about two days. I'm not trying not to eat. I have just lost my appetite.

Blame the stress of the upcoming finals. I probably just tanked a quiz I just took in a class that i've fallen behind in. When my Grandmother died at the beginning of the semester I  missed like 3 classes and I've barely bounced back from that. I'm doing well in my Art Appreciation class, but my parents are not impressed. I went to art school for 3 years in my youth, me doing well in that class doesn't take much effort. Still I wish they would at least pretend to be proud of me when I bring home good grades. I'm not only passing that class, I'm getting a fucking A+. That's a lot better than most of the idiots in that damn class.

The other two classes I'm taking, Political Science and Women & Leisure, i'm not doing so well in. I don't know my precise grade in Poly Sci because my teacher is ancient and doesn't know how to update grades online and I'm far too shy to ask. W&L is just a fucking failure. I'm probably going to have to take it again. My teacher put all the assignments online, because I missed the first few classes because my grandmother died, I didn't know this, and she didn't tell me. So I missed about 4 assignments and 2 quizzes and that made my grade drop like the fucking NASDAQ

Any attempt that I've made to better my grade in that class has just gone horribly. Apparently all the extra credit work that I stayed up for 3 nights doing was unacceptable because she does except extra credit assignments online (which is bullshit because she does every other fucking assignment online) she doesn't accept them 'late'. "Late' meaning that if I turned it in a hour after class. However she accepted all of my OTHER annoying online assignments until MIDNIGHT. Why put different stipulations on the extra credit that I clearly fucking needed! IT'S BULLSHIT! I'M SO MAD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. I TRIED I REALLY DID AND NOW ITS LIKE ITS FOR NOTHING.

Not only do I have to deal of the self imposed shame of failing a class I spent months taking and hours upon hours of stress fueled effort and time on, but I have to deal with my damn parents. They think that because they are paying for my education, if I fail a class that I'm wasting their money. It's not like I didn't try my hardest to do my best here. I really did. Just thinking about it makes me tear up a bit (These tears are most likely an effect of not taking my medication and being unable to control my emotions, but doesn't make it any less true). They never ask me about school, my father acts as though he has no interest in my studies, he just wants me to fucking graduate so he can say that I did and so I can get a job and stop being such a parasite on him and his finances.

I really think I need to go home as soon as possible and get in bed.

When I don't take my meds I become a mess physically and emotionally. I'm trying so hard to keep it together right now. My mind is racing, my emotions are hanging over a cliff and I feel like taking a nap in the parking lot.

Watch, if I ask my boyfriend to take me home then he will accuse me of using him for a ride.

I just need help RIGHT NOW or I'm probably going to end up hurting someone, most likely, myself.